Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face.
Babe Ruth wore No. 3 because he batted third.
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!
Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap!
In Nebraska, It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit.
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.
Yo momma's so stupid I said let's go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon.
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
You grow on people -- like a wart!
You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother!
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards.
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
She's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Yo momma's so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said concentrate
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
You've got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt.
They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.
It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
On average, the life span of an American dollar bill is eighteen months.
Any modern jet is capable of breaking the sound barrier.
Greyhounds have the best eyesight of any breed of dog.
Marlboro cigarettes sold in New York contain more tar and nicotine than those sold in all other states!
Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive!
The word 'Indiana' is Native American for 'Land of the Indians', yet less than 16,000 Native Americans live there.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
Eventually, you will get what you asked for.
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
You're so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"
We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!
A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
Yo momma's so stupid she thought a one star hotel was the best rating
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately one million gallons of fresh water.
Any space vehicle must move at a rate of 7 miles per second in order to escape the earth's gravitational pull.
Half of all Americans over the age of 55 have no teeth.
Martha Stewart became a billionaire while in prison.
Technically speaking, crystal glass is actually a Liquid that flows very slowly.
The word 'News' is actually an acronym standing for the 4 cardinal compass points - North, East, West, and South!
Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?
You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?
You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.