I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest!
Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?!
I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank!
You're so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican!
The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts.
I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.
We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".
You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.
Who wears your CLEAN clothes?
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
Dragonflies have six legs but cannot walk!
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words -- none of them with the letter E!
A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
She's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
Malaysians protect their babies from disease by bathing them in beer.
You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!
Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much.
Oak trees are struck by lightning more than any other tree.
Children are poisoned most frequently by eating harmful plants.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
It takes about a week to make a jelly bean.
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
At your speed you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more that a hundred years before either moon was discovered!
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Yo momma like a stop sign: She's on every corner.
Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
One out of 20 people have an extra rib.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch or clock is usually 10:10.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity.
I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy.
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Yo momma's so fat that when she puts on a black shirt and jumpes in the ocean, everyone thinks there's an oil spill.
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
One 75-watt bulb gives more light than three 25-watt bulbs.
The Wild Turkey is the only bird with a beard.
I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me.
Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?
I wish I'd known you when you were alive.
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.