The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad!
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
More than 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.
When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!
On some Caribbean islands, the oysters can climb trees.
Yo momma like a stop sign: She's on every corner.
Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.
The first TV commercial showed a Bulova watch ticking onscreen for exactly 60 seconds.
Organized crime is estimated to account for 10% of the United States' national income.
I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?
Henry Ford was Charles Lindbergh's first passenger in the Spirit of St. Louis.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
You've got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt.
A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes.
I've hated your looks from the stare they gave me.
Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
The American Automobile Association was founded for the sole purpose of warning motorists of police speed traps!
You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The United States produces enough plastic film annually to cover the entire state of Texas.
The average human body contains enough iron to make a small nail.
Yo momma's so stupid she put light bulbs on a christmas tree.
Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.
When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.
Yo momma's so old she was still alive when the dead sea was just sick.
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
In Albania, nodding your head means 'no' and shaking your head means 'yes'.
When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
A cup and saucer short of a place setting.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
The 'vintage date' on a bottle of wine indicates the year the grapes were picked, not the year of bottling!
Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows.
Any modern jet is capable of breaking the sound barrier.
I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job!
Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.
They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?
Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.